Why You Stopped Loving Me - Can You Please Explain? I cant understand why did you do so.
Its been a while since Ive seen you. A moment since I heard your voice, saw your face, touched your hands, your body…
A moment that could have been yesterday as it was six years ago. And that memory that always haunts me.
You know that night when you told me it was the end of the two of us that I would have to move on-trying to forget you.
Oh, yes, I had seen it coming, but you can never really prepare to hear those words in the privacy of a room you wish youd never known.
This happened gradually, but the words spoken that night seemed so sudden to me.
It was like an explosion in my ears. In my heart. In pieces.
Something just seemed to have died out, forever.
I had seen it in your eyes. This loving gaze, overflowing with admiration when it landed on me, was becoming increasingly rare.
And then time seemed to flow differently. Gone is the eagerness to reply to my messages. Then to my caresses.
And my kisses that annoyed you.
How do you recognize a man in love who hides his feelings? Oh, yes, I could see it all in your brown eyes.
I felt that you were starting to build walls, which became a castle, surrounded by a moat. And at the top of which, a fire-breathing dragon: you.
Why You Stopped Loving Me?
Your heart has become impenetrable. I was no longer welcome.
You were there, physically, but still so far away. Our discussions about the feelings we had? Flights. The ones about our future? Missing.
I could feel you walking away… And thats what drove me to try to grab you harder against me. But its also what pushed you even further away from me.
You stopped showing me or telling me how much you cared about me.
You werent so proud of me or my successes anymore. And what had seduced you at first now infuriated you.
Yet, we were inseparable. Strangers became friends, and before they realized it, love fell on us.
Effortless, without showing the best of ourselves to impress the other. And just like that, we became the anchor of the other.
Didnt you love every second you spent together, in a world where we only existed together?
I am not afraid to say that we had the purest, most authentic love there is.
The way your fingers ran over my hair every night until I fell asleep. And all those times when you wiped away my tears when I felt like I was doing nothing right.
Of course, every relationship has its challenges. And ours were no different. We encountered many bumps on the road, but we promised to overcome them by holding hands.
No challenge could be too difficult, as long as I held your hand and held mine.
I mean, thats what I thought. But things were changing, insidiously.
I tried to tell you how I felt, over and over and over again, in many ways, but you said you didnt understand me. Could you not understand me anymore?
In reality, you simply didnt listen anymore, and you didnt fear that your actions would break my heart.
You have left me feeling abandoned, rejected, and unworthy of your love without even really explaining what caused this change in you.
The dream has become a waking nightmare.
How many times have I ended up crying, hysterical, rolled into a ball on the floor of this room?
Wondering why love was going away again. Why with you? What had changed? Why didnt you love me anymore?
I convinced myself to be worthy of love in tantrums and that it was you who did not deserve me. But it was a bluff, and I didnt even believe it.
Even when you started saying that I had become unkind, unwanted and ridiculous.
Oh, how many times have I wondered why I was giving you so much of my precious time. How many times have I implored God not to inflict this cruel and devious pain on me?
I was angry and hurt. Mad at myself for opening my heart again.
Angry for making it available to you so you can crush it better.
Distraught by the disappointment of another failed relationship.
Reality has come to hit me in the face. I wasnt going to be the one to make you happy for the rest of your life.
The idea of you falling in love with someone else was as devastating as it was sickening.
I naively thought that every heartbreak would become easier… But its only getting worse.
The feeling of not being able to find my happiness and true love came back to suffocate me. I felt helpless. Desperate. Worthless.
The truth is that I was not ready to lose you; I was not prepared to live without you. And even now, years later, Im still not prepared to lose you.
Sometimes I feel like Im losing you over and over again-a little more every day.
In hindsight, I tell myself that you taught me almost everything I needed to know.
You helped me to be brave, strong and to realize my dreams. You taught me to be severe and stupid at the same time, to be honest, and kind.
But the only thing you didnt teach me? Its a living without you.
You never told me how difficult it would be. How lost I would feel after you left. I dont remember you teaching me to live with loneliness or to cope with the moments when everything would seem too much to me.
Then time, fortunately, did its work a little, I realized I could never force you to see my true worth.
That your inability to realize it has nothing to do with me and everything to do with you.
I dont need to detail what makes me an extraordinary person because if you wanted me, you would have accepted me as I was.
If you cared about me, you wouldnt have humiliated me because the man who really cares about me will cherish my heart and cherish me as a person.
He will do everything he can to hurt me because he knows that this love is not just a feeling; it is a decision making.
Love shouldnt make you feel insufficient. Hes patient, kind and understanding. Love doesnt play games. He doesnt hurt other people.
But I realized that I couldnt force you to choose me or that I could keep someone who didnt want to stay.
So yes, it hurts like a dog. But I will burn entirely and rise from my ashes.
And I can start loving again later. A little better. Differently.
Ill start rebuilding my life. I have confidence, and I will wait.
I must remember that I am beautiful and generous and that any man will be lucky to be by my side.
And even though it still hurts eight years later, and even though I still miss you every day, I comfort myself by telling myself that this love existed and that it had to be lived. For the lesson you gave me, and for the joy you brought me.
Its going to be all right.