Why Becoming A Friend With Your Ex Is A Bad Idea – 5 Signs To Watch Out
You must have seen lots of people who like to be friends with their exes. Don’t you agree with me?
Although not all ruptures lead to this type of relationship (if the partnership was toxic, for example), they tend to think that they can still love this person (Ex) differently.
This doesn’t make them a psychopath, but things are not good also.
Why it’s not a good idea to be friends with your Ex?
When someone asks me, should I stop being friends with my ex? My answer remains simple – “NO”.
Addressing a crucial point – can two lovers remain friends? Here is what I have to share with you.
After a breakup, you might be tempted like me to try to become or become friends with your ex again.
You always care about that person, and a friendship can seem like a mature and civilized thing.
But trying to force a friendship before you’re ready can do more harm than good.
Even if you think that being friends is possible, it won’t happen overnight. It can’t occur overnight.
You need time away from each other, and you need to navigate the world without it before moving on to the next operations.
Just because you’re aiming for a friendship doesn’t mean you have to dodge the mourning period. Even after an amicable breakup, everyone needs time to overcome their emotions.
Some people can remain friends with all their previous relationships and so much the better for them.
But if you’re not interested in this kind of relationship with your ex, whether it’s now or never, it’s quite OK too.
In some cases, I feel, if the relationship was abusive or otherwise toxic, trying to be friends could be a very bad or even dangerous idea.
Well, you’ve decided you want to be friends but are you sure you’re ready?
What if you’re not sure how you feel? After all, going from lovers to super buddies can be quite complicated.
You want it to still be in your life, but you don’t know if your heart and head are in the same place.
Well, according to the experts, there are clear signs that you are not quite ready yet… Here they are.
1. You Are Still Suffering From Your Romantic Breakup With Him
Yes, it’s a no-brainer, but you’d be surprised at the number of chicks who ignore this reason and still think they can be friends with their ex.
If you still feel hurt because of the breakup, being with your ex and pretending to be OK in this friendly setup will only prevent that injury from healing.
It’s a bit like continuing to scrape a crust, preventing the wound from healing well.
So if you’re having trouble talking about your ex without breaking down in tears, take this as a sign that you’re not ready to be friends.
If you are always close or get angry with each other because of something that happened in the relationship, same observation, you are probably not ready to be friends yet.
When you give yourself time and space to cry and heal, you should generally be able to talk about this relationship in a usual way, without being upset.
Don’t worry too much, maybe it will pass in a few months. But for now, you have to give yourself time.
2.You Get Hurt When He Says That He Is Looking For Someone Else
It is usual for friends to talk about what is going on in their lives, including their love life.
If thinking about your ex with another person gives you stomach ache, it’s a real problem that could hurt a true friendship.
With friends, you’re supposed to be able to talk about anything and everything, so it can mean the person your ex is seeing right now.
If it still hurts, it’s too early to be real friends.
A good test is to imagine sitting with your ex in a café and seeing a notification appear on his phone indicating that he has a new match on a dating app.
Think about how you would feel: would you be indifferent? Maybe angry? Curious?
Friendship means supporting each other in the trials and adventures of life, so if you’re not willing to acknowledge that some of these “updates” in your ex’s life might involve other people, it might be the right place to reassess your desire for friendship with him.
3. You Always Feel Hurt Or Angry
You are always confronted with other unresolved feelings. Overcoming a breakup doesn’t happen in a day.
You must give yourself enough time and space to mourn the end of your story.
It means letting you feel your emotions: sadness, frustration, rejection, resentment, or a combination of it all. Feel rather than bottle them.
Because if you’re still working on those feelings, you’re not ready to be friends with your ex yet.
It is perfectly natural after a break to experience persistent pain, anger, or other complicated emotions.
However, these persistent feelings are not appropriate to move on with your ex, as this version of the relationship is over.
Instead, focus your efforts on dealing with those suspended feelings that you might have.
Clarify your mind, be honest with yourself! If you still feel in love with your ex, your friendship will fail abruptly. It’s 100% guaranteed!
4.You Feel Like You’re Stagnating
If you broke up, you’re single.
And if you’re single, you shouldn’t feel prevented from meeting new people, forming relationships, or dating other guys. Or worse, to try but keep thinking about it.
Being friends with an ex for whom you still have feelings can, unfortunately, lead to a sense of blocking.
And by continually comparing your suitors to your ex, you reduce your chances of finding someone, unfortunately.
Breakups can make you feel lost in your current life.
The present without your ex seems depressing.
Imagining your future without it hurts so much that staying friends is the primary reason you want to keep it even if he was a moron, even if he is the one who broke up, even if he hurt you a lot.
That’s a bad idea.
It would help if you didn’t let reality escape through these fantasies.
Friendship with an ex is possible, but you must take the time to accept the present, face your emotions, and rebuild your future.
5.You Dream Of Getting Back Together
Ask yourself honestly why you want to be friends with your ex.
Deep in your heart, do you hope you can reconcile? If that is the case, friendship is probably not the right solution, at least not now.
This could derail the progress you have made in moving forward.
It is not possible to have a healthy friendship with ulterior motives. Also, you are at risk of additional and entirely avoidable emotional distress.
Instead, take the time to think about what you were missing in the relationship and find ways to offer them to you without going through another person, let alone your ex.
Also, Read I Was All Yours And You Destroyed Me
Becoming friends hoping that over time, it could become something romantic again is not a healthy approach for you or your ex.
You may think that if you start hanging out again, he will regret having put an end to things, or you will feel that it is possible to rekindle the flame.
But the problem with expectations is that they end up being a painful setup for both parties.
Unconsciously, we prepare the ground to be disappointed again and get angry, to hurt ourselves if our expectations do not come true. Don’t do that!
To Begin Without Him
Establishing borders is vital.
You cried at the end of your relationship, and you’re sure you want to keep your ex in your life. OK.
Now think about the limits.
This vital step will help you maintain your mental health and ensure you don’t find yourself crushed by a future meeting between your ex and his next partner.
These limits are not difficult to remember, but they are challenging to meet.
First, never sleep with him again. Sex will mean you always have feelings. If you work hard to manage these cravings and you crack, it will cost you dearly.
Second, don’t spend time alone together at first. Be sure to stick to the outings where you are with him but surrounded by other people. A group of friends in common going to a party is an excellent example of the right setting type.
The final step is communication. Please wait until you are out several times together (friendly) before attempting a discussion about your future, to be sure of how you feel about it.
Only then can you decide if being friends with your ex is an option.
If you can talk and think without anger about your past and agree that spending time together as friends are something you both want, go for it!
Stay Blessed And Stay Happy!