Why Are You Unable To Get Over Your Ex? Let’s See The Reasons & Solutions
There are millions of people who claim to know the “super-secret formula” that will tell you exactly how long it will take you to get over your ex.
But, there are so many variables that play in that recovery time that each person would have to have their individualized version of the formula.
And most of those formulas don’t take into account the way you perceive your relationship. And that’s silly. A person’s life, full of unique experiences just for them, is the same as someone else’s.
Breakups are not one-size-fits-all. So if you find out it’s taking longer than you expected to leave your relationship in the past, you should probably consider what’s contributing to your inability to move forward in your history.
As I told you before, many factors influence the amount of time it takes to get over your ex. Here are some factors that might be stopping you.
Why Are You Unable To Get Over Your Ex – Reasons & Solutions
1. Personal Attachments.
You will see, throughout your life, you create bonds with people, family, colleagues, friends and romantic couples.
However, the kind of attachment you make to these people is entirely up to you… Unconsciously.
During childhood and childhood, we developed our first meaningful relationship with our parents. This parent-child relationship is the basis on which our ability to connect is built, which results in three different types of attachment in adulthood, safe, insecure and anxious.
- Safe Attachments.
When a child receives these needs within that primary relationship with their parents, they are building their first attachment that is solid and safe.
Safe attachments are characterized by the ability to feel connected and at the same time, be able to live freely.
There’s no need for them to make a false sense of connection because there’s a genuine one. They turn to their partner when they need comfort and offer their support freely when needed.
- Unsafe Attachments.
The lack of satisfaction of these childhood needs can result in a lifetime search for a sense of belonging or integrity.
However, since their base relationship did not have these qualities, most people have an idealized and imagined perception of what these relationships should look like.
This leads them to create anxious or evasive attachments to their partner.
- Anxiety Attachments.
They are built on that quest for that imagined connection. People who have these kinds of attachments are always dealing with insatiable emotional hunger.
They seek safety and protection by being sticky while continually keeping their partner at bay because of their insecurities.
Imagine often wondering where your partner is, what they’re doing and if they care about you. See the dilemma? It’s a perpetual cycle.
2. Confused Emotions.
Another thing that might be preventing you from progressing is confusing the emotions you have now, about the breakup, with the feelings of the past.
This is closely related to your attachment style. Both deal with unsatisfied needs and memories that most people don’t want to think about.
Maybe you’ve faced a breakup in the past that you didn’t fully deal with. Unresolved emotions come to the surface when you least expect it.
To deal with that, you have to realize that this is what’s happening. So, if you find yours, you’re unreasonably emotional and relating everything that hurts now to memories of the past that have nothing to do with the relationship you just came out of.
So, maybe the emotions you’re dealing with aren’t related to the breakup.
After a breakup, it’s natural to start reflecting on the relationship. Most people end up assuming the blame lies with something they did or didn’t do.
This can cause all sorts of insecurities to arise, which makes the idea of finding a start to a new relationship seem quite frightening.
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So, nothing stops you, but the fear of moving on doesn’t know if there’s anything you did that you could do again prevents you.
4. Linking Objectives.
Every person in each relationship imagines what the future would be like if they were with the person, they are with.
Some people can’t see it, and that’s why the relationship ends. But assuming it wasn’t you who finished things with your ex, I’m going to believe you both were imagined together conquering their goals.
But then, your partner ends you and the plans for the future are truncated, that’s why you can’t get over the breakup.
5. Build Your Future.
If you had planned your entire future around your ex without having a backup plan, then congratulations on your trust in your relationship!
But now it’s time not to sit down and be sad about it, letting the tide of life surround you and take you out into the sea.
I understand, derailing when you planned it could ruin your finances, your healthy life, your transportation situation, and I’m sure there are many more things that can be consumed depending on how detailed your planning is.
Now is the time for that emergency plan. If you don’t have an escape plan in the event of a fire, don’t sit around complaining.
With that same sense of urgency, you must go ahead and observe the life that is still happening and turn it into something that works for you.
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That way, you won’t just be sitting around waiting for someone to come and save you. Talk to your close friends and family about what’s happening, open up to let them help you get back on track.
6. Stop Lying To Yourself.
Seriously. Your ex wasn’t the last right person in the world. Stop making yourself think it was. This is not the end of the world.
If you do this and live the rest of your life in fear of moving on, then it’s only your fault. I’m just telling you.
Don’t get in your way. The only way to stop telling you these things is to maintain honesty with your person.
Also, Read Get The Love You Deserve, By Letting Go
So, here’s what I want you to do. I want you to evaluate what’s holding you back.
Are these things from your past?
Is it a fear of what the future holds?
Is it just that you repeat that you can’t?
I think you’re going to realize that the only thing stopping you is you. What good news! Because that means YOU can do something about it. Then take these suggestions and get your life back!
Keep Smiling And Stay Blessed!