My Wife Cheated On Me (But I Still Love Her)
Cheating is unforgivable, right?
Your wife cheated. Your heart screams. Your ego shouts at you: Leave her! Leave her now! Punish her!
But you still love your unfaithful wife. You know it. And you’re helpless about it.
So you’re stuck.
“When my wife finally admitted that she cheated on me I was so shocked that for a few long minutes I couldn’t even speak.”
My husband’s best friend was sitting on our couch, looking like he’s been dragged on the pavement.
“A few days ago I went to our laptop to check my mail and I saw that she left hers open. I noticed a lot of email from one of her co-workers (whom I’ve met a few times before), which made me instantly suspicious.
To my utter shock and disbelief, I’ve discovered that they’ve been having an affair for more than a month.
My wife cheated on me even in our own bed”.
Should You Also Cheat to Get Revenge?
According to Fox News, Most cheating statistics show that about 50 – 60 percent of women admitted to having an affair in the USA.
But no matter if your wife “only” had a one-night thing or a 7-year affair with her co-worker, the moment of discovery is the most shocking, painful, and soul-crushing experience you’ve ever had in your life.
This crazy cocktail of rage, loneliness, devastation, jealousy, shock, insecurity, and utter humiliation follows you 24/7 where ever you go.
How could she do this to you?
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As we sit in our home with our friend, too shocked to respond, he continued:
“Deep inside I knew something was going on. She has told me about her conversations with this guy but swore that he was just a friend and kept telling me that he’s also married.
I was obviously jealous, but she kept defending this “friendship” even though I’ve never been this angry with her in our entire relationship.
But I trusted her. Even though we had our problems, I thought that our connection was deeper than this. I thought my wife could never betray me like this”.
Should You Forgive Your Wife After She Cheated?
Finding out about your wife’s cheating has probably thrown you into the deepest, darkest emotional hole of your entire life.
This is true even if your marriage had problems. Who doesn’t have problems? You thought.
This is even truer if you always did your best to be a good husband. Always giving her love and attention, helping around the house, and telling her how beautiful and special she is.
You thought you had every reason to trust her.
“She is Begging My Forgiveness but I’m Obsessed”
“After making me feel so stupid for believing her that nothing was going on, she is now groveling and begging my forgiveness.
But all I can do is to keep thinking about them together. About him touching her, kissing her, sleeping with her. It’s been 2 weeks and I haven’t had a decent night’s sleep yet”.
I think about it all the time. When I’m driving, when I’m working, when I’m trying to sleep. I’m obsessed”.
What to Do if You Still Love Her?
She has hurt you as no one has ever hurt you before, but you know you still love her. You don’t want to lose her, and something “mysterious” keeps you from packing your bags and leaving right now.
The need for revenge is poking at you all along. Should I cheat on her too? That’ll show her!
But you’re a smart guy and you know revenge will probably end your marriage for good.
You don’t know how to stop bleeding inside. You don’t know how to stop the haunting images. You don’t know how to recover and how to ever trust her again.
In this complicated situation, when you can’t even think straight, the best thing is to first focus on what NOT to do.
Imagining your wife with that a**hole, you know, physically, is something all cheated men will do. And it will turn you crazy green with jealousy.
It’s normal. The trick is not to get stuck with it for a year.
In a desperate attempt to avoid humiliation and heart-break, you will try to “be a man about it” and minimize your feelings as much as possible.
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You’ll try to convince yourself that it’s not as big a deal. Huge mistake. You’ll only blow up later (and much worse) instead of now.
Tell your wife how this makes you feel, even if she tries to dismiss it, and tell her everything her cheating has made you feel, even if she insists that it didn’t mean anything and that she never loved him.
Tell her how much you’ve been hurt and that you need space and time to figure out how you’re going to handle this.
Jumping the Gun
The first thing you wanted to do when you found out was to pack your bags and get the hell out, right?
But this is not the time for life-altering decisions. You’re all over the place right now, probably incapable of focusing for more than 2 minutes.
Now’s not the time to decide if you are leaving, getting a divorce, or getting revenge.
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Some decisions can make things WORSE, believe it or not. Others have an irreversible outcome.
Should You Also Cheat to Get Revenge?
Many men have told me that the first thing they wanted to do when they found about their wife being unfaithful – was to get revenge and cheat themselves.
This way, they think, she will know how devastating this experience is.
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But, I strongly suggest that you think long and hard before you do this. This could bring on the final death of your marriage because two wrongs don’t make a right, and the trust between you two may never be restored.
What about you? How did you find out about your wife’s cheating? Are you going to do something about your pain today?
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