My mind says, “Leave it!” but my heart refuses to listen
My mind tries to be rational and logical. Deep down, I know I have to end this relationship. Yet every tissue of my being opposes it.
My heart and soul refuse to let go. They don’t want to let you go, so they force me to cling desperately to the crumbs of love you deign to offer me.
I’m not stupid. I know you’re willing to let me go. But I’m also (unfortunately) aware that you’ll just come back to hurt me as soon as I do the same thing.
Sometimes I really felt like a toy in your immature hands. You would hug me and tell me you loved me.
You made me believe that our love was true and that our relationship was stronger than anything. Then all of a sudden, you’d distance yourself and put me aside like I was worthless.
I’ve always been careful when it comes to love. I kept making sure I was safe and not letting anyone near my heart.
But when I met you, everything changed. Besides, I’m still not able to describe that feeling correctly. I had never felt anything like this before.
You’ve knocked down all my protective walls.
I fell in love at an incredible rate. Now I know I didn’t even realize what was going on at the time.
In your arms, I felt safe, as if nothing could hurt me, as if you were here to stay. I was happy. I was comfortable.
But I shouldn’t have lowered my guard so easily. It hurts so much now. You’re not the man I thought you were. You’re just a spoiled child who thinks he deserves it all.
And you’ve hurt me so much. You would break me regularly and then pretend that nothing had happened. You manipulated me, and you duped my judgment.
For a moment, everything was calm and peaceful, and then the storm and thunder rumbled again. You never stayed away too long; something was pushing you back to come back to me.
Besides, there was something that was also pushing me to stay with you. And I thought it was love.
But you were making promises to me. How many times have you said you’re going to change? That you were going to work on yourself?
You had so many problems, but none of them were visible on the surface.
They were hidden deep inside you, and I didn’t trust them. But you knew… You knew, but you didn’t say anything. On the contrary, you’d rather lie to me and make me think you were going to be better.
You said my love would help you change.
But you’ve never changed. Even today, you’re the same. But now I’m aware of that. I don’t hope anymore. And I know you won’t change in the future either.
In fact, I even feel that your behavior gets worse over time. Yet I loved you. I accepted you with your qualities and your flaws.
In hindsight, it is easier for me to understand what was going on between us. What’s still going on… I felt attracted to you like a magnet because we were completely and obsessed with each other.
We still are. But now I see the truth so that I can get away from you, little by little. Not long ago, we shared an intense and rare passion.
I miss kissing you because it was a unique and magical experience. I had never experienced that before. What for? Because we kissed like it was the only thing keeping us alive.
But that wasn’t enough. It was never enough. I need everything from your heart, your body, and your soul. One part of you can’t be enough.
But I finally rationalized the situation. I put everything in order in my head. I knew you weren’t good for me. You were literally destroying me. Inside and out.
You took me for granted. You disrespected me and made me feel useless. When you love someone, you don’t behave like that. When you say to someone, “I love you,” you have to live up to those words.
You can’t change records as you please. And above all, you don’t change your behavior as you see fit. You stay, no matter what. I’ve told you a million times.
My head knows that. My mind has made peace with the fact that it will never be you and me again. So I’m leaving you.
But my heart… My broken heart still loves you with all its pieces; it won’t let you go. But I’m going to fight. I will focus on myself and my personal development.
I will finally become the woman I always dreamed of being. And I’m going to invest myself fully in my healing so that I can finally completely forget you.
Of course, it’s going to take me a while, but I’ll make it. I’ll make my heart right. And in a short time, my head and my heart will finally be on the same wavelength.