It’s A Breakup — Now What? Things You Need To Know, Before Taking A Step Ahead.
Forget what you thought you knew: a breakup has no winner or loser.
You’ve just had a breakup, and your ex seems to have already moved on.
In your head, that phrase, which keeps pulling you down: “he won.”
Let me tell you; you’re mistaken. And that, besides, it’s unfair for you to think in these terms.
What does it mean, first, to win a breakup?
Do we win when we find love before the other? Is it when the other girl finds another chick and gets thrown in turn, or does it not work?
Or maybe it’s when you’re doing things you didn’t take the time to do anymore? When you prioritize your needs?
When I was younger, I thought there was a winner and a loser in a breakup.
The winner is the one who initiates the breakup, and the loser, the one who gets dumped.
It was only after a few breakups that I realized that there was nothing like it.
“Look how well I’m doing.”
Social networks have normalized this idea of the winner and the loser.
Today, when we break up with someone, we have the impression that we must show the world our moods related to this rupture.
At first, we will share sad or angry quotes. Then, pictures of a “blatant happiness” that scream, “look how well I’m fine without you.” All this while we cannot be further from reality.
Social networks have made breakups a spectacle that is easy to succumb to.
It would be so much nicer to be freed from all this.
But the temptation is always there, to share, hoping that the other will spy on us as we spy on him ourselves.
And then who wins? He? Me?
A breakup is a game where everyone loses
You live three years, five years, ten years with someone, and then someone disappears from your life.
You may lose a friendship in the process, but what is certain is that you lose your routines, and you have to cross the projects you had with him.
It is an awareness that may take time to come, all the more so if you play this win-lose game.
Understand it; there is no victory when it comes to losing an essential part of your life.
When someone is no longer a part of your life, whether you or he initiated the breakup, you may try to cut short any contact.
Still, you will not be able to do the most important thing of all: you will not be able to stop having feelings for that person overnight.
When someone has been the privileged witness of your vulnerability, all the dynamics change.
This person goes from a stranger you’ve met to “part of your life.” And this part will probably never leave you, no matter how much you try to forget.
Difficulty moving on without rushing.
It is easier to see the logic behind the end of a story than to console the pain in your heart following failure. That pain makes you wonder what you could have done differently.
You are trying to move on, but you are obsessed with the idea of being replaced.
It is detestable to think that the hand you used to hold now holds someone else’s hand. Painful to imagine that another now kisses the face you kissed.
Of course, you try to find faults to each other that will help you better accept the end… But part of you will never forget the night you met.
You’ll fight yourself. Against your past self, your past dreams, your old routines, your idea of what your future was supposed to be.
Unfortunately, if you want to move forward, you will have to accept this reality: you have to let the other person go and everything attached to him.
And it takes time.
A breakup is a game where everyone can win too.
Winning is not based on the fact that you move on to the next relationship or because it is not you who denigrate him and paint a sinister portrait of him.
Winning means realizing that you are in a better position, a better mental state than when you separated (or even better than the one you were in before the separation).
So it has nothing to do with a way of doing things.
In the end, maybe a breakup is not a game where you lose, after all. Maybe there can be two winners.
Even if you are no longer in the life of the other, you can wish him the best in his.
Dealing with this loss will be a complex process, but you must love yourself much more and realize that you deserve the happiness that His love could not give you.
You deserve to be happy then, slowly but surely, become a hundred times better than you were a year ago.
Take care of yourself, your heart and regain confidence in life, which is, despite everything, always full of promise.