How Does Your Mind Deceive When You Have A Broken Heart ~Â
Hearts, like bones, also break. When this happens, the mind deceives you, drags you to a stage of hard despair where we cling to any breath of very small and impossible hope.
Gradually, however, the heart is resigned, and the mind returns to its channel, returning to that home where we reconcile ourselves with dignity to pass through mourning.
The theme of broken hearts is one of the most frequent realities without generating custom. Just as a curiosity, in the 1970s one of the songs that achieved the most success was that of the Bee Gees that said, “How to heal a broken heart? How to prevent rain from falling or the sun from jumping?”
There was in those letters a little breath of hopelessness, letting it be known that heartbreak is that wound that seems never heals.
There is a wise saying.
“It is better to have loved and lost, than to have ever loved.”
Another striking aspect that social psychologists have studied very often is that people, on average, fear much more social and emotional pain than physical pain.
For example, thinking about breaking one or more bones doesn’t scare us as much as suffering from disappointment, deception, or an affective rupture.
What’s more, our body knows what to do and how to react to a physical wound or infection.
However, when a relationship is broken, the body and mind are blocked. What’s more, as experts tell us, the brain interprets that separation as a burn.
Emotional pain is lived in the brain in the same way as a physical wound. However, we do not quite know how to “repair” that impact.
Hence, may the mind fall for a time into becoming of contradictions, of false hopes, of meaningless reasoning…
How Does Your Mind Deceive When You Have A Broken Heart
Your mind deceives you. It unintentionally does so because it is wounded, lost, and even attached to that fragmented heart that does not quite know how to manage rejection, the farewell of love that until not long ago was everything.
When this happens, we are trapped in a complex network of defence mechanisms where we refuse what happened and, if this were not enough, even more, sophisticated and adverse processes occur at the brain level.
Our secondary somatosensory cortex and posterior dorsal insula are intensely activated. These structures are linked to physical pain since as we have noted above, effective suffering is often lived in the same way as the physical one.
All this means that we cannot think clearly, that we self-deceive ourselves. Now let’s see how we usually do it.
When your mind deceives you, it does it unintentionally because it’s hurt.
1. I’ve lost the most important person in my life
Emotional pain causes anguish and anguish seeks refuges, seeks nooks and crannies to feed the desperate.
It is common for these idealized but harmful thoughts to arise at this post-rupture stage, were to tell us things like “I have lost the most important person of my life, the only one who could make me happy”.
The mind deceives you, what’s more, it’s kidnapping you. Always remember that “You” are the most important person in your life.
Our ex-partner was important during a stage that has already ended, and that’s something we have to take on.
2. I’ve done something wrong. I must tell you that “I can change.”
Denial is the first part of grief, and this is where we inevitably cling to a burning nail. It is common to blame ourselves, to tell ourselves that we have neglected the relationship, that we have done something wrong that can still be repaired.
Hence, let us try almost obsessively to convince the other person that we have to try again, make a blur, reset ourselves, restart “because ours” can not be lost as well.
The mind deceives you, your heart hurts, and good intentions run you over while you keep a blindfold on your eyes: the other person no longer loves you, and in the face of that reality there are no more second parts.
3. That person’s obsession with connecting and knowing
We live in the age of immediate communication, instant reinforcement, inability to tolerate frustration… How can I, therefore, accept that the loved one no longer writes messages to me?
How do you understand me getting blocked, that you don’t want to hear from me anymore?
Our mind will invent a thousand excuses to explain its silence, its refusal or latency when it comes to responding to us.
What’s more, you’ll even devise a thousand strategies to get you that last message or that desperate proposal.
These destructive dynamics will last until dignity tells us enough when we will take those necessary steps, such as deleting our ex-partner from the list of contacts and social networks.
“Sometimes when a person leaves, the world seems unpopulated.”
4. My life will no longer be the same
This affirmation is true; our life will no longer be the same after suffering this affective rupture. However, the mind deceives you if it whispers to you in the middle of your voice and constantly not, that happiness is repped for you, that you are not worth that of love, that what you touch is ruined or worse, that you will not find anyone like that person who has left you.
When You Have A Broken Heart
Such thoughts are a form of absurd torture. Of course, life will not be the same again, it will be different, it will be new, and it is more, it will be much better not to have at our side someone who did not love us. Or yes, but the wrong way.
5. I have to know clearly why you have stopped loving me
Let’s face it, is there a clear objective, tangible and millimetre reason why we stop loving someone? Not always.
We can become obsessed with it and even despair, but love sometimes goes out without us knowing very well why.
There may be second people, there may be infinite few creating a lot, but most of the time, the pain cannot be translated into words…
In these cases, only the acceptance and above all the honesty of those who have ceased to want, of whom he courageously makes it clear to the other person that there is no turning back or future ahead.
In conclusion, I know that we cannot always trust our minds when the heart is broken. However, most of the time, that feeling and reasoning are part of the mourning itself.
Acceptance of what happened will bring order during the chaos, and gradually one will return in his footprints to the refuge of self-esteem, where he begins a delicate and essential work: healing the heart.
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