Did you sacrifice yourself for a narcissist, too?
At what point will we stop believing that yes, it is our fault? That yes, we’re stupid to hang on?
Love stirs body and mind; it is indomitable.
It can bring us back to life after years of suffering and distress, of unanswered questions; it can rejuvenate us, invigorate us and inspire us to be better every day.
But it can also break us, destroy our sense of ourselves, plunge us into the abyss of infinite doubt.
Because more often than not, bad things happen to the right people, especially in love.
Trapped
You meet someone, and all of a sudden, you believe in them. He is the man we have been waiting for.
He’s beautiful, he’s nice, he’s everything we could have imagined, everything we thought we didn’t exist here down there.
Of course, we’re wary at first. We know very well the saying that “if it’s too good to be true, it’s probably not true.”
But we’re lowering our guard, little by little. It really seems to be what it claims to be, so we get started.
We launch ourselves without realizing the cleverly set trap. And you quickly become the insect stuck in the spider’s web.
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Happiness injected at the beginning acts as glue. You can’t believe you’ve been duped. Not yet. Not him. That’s impossible.
And yet…
Yes, we were kind of naïve.
But recognizing a manipulator is almost impossible, at least not until it’s too late.
This irresistible charm that he has worn on us is part of his armor of the perfect predator.
And even when you realize the problem, you are usually already too invested in the relationship to leave overnight.
The worst part is that often he will leave us when he has taken everything from us.
Emotional Vampire
Then you ask a billion questions. Why can’t we let go, move on? Why on earth do we exhaust ourselves to want to keep this relationship or find the beginnings when we understand that it is unhealthy and that everything was just a game?
The reason is that a narcissist who enters our lives will consume all our vital force.
The beginnings will look promising and create a tie that will be hard to cut when the pot-aux-roses are unveiled.
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And recovering from a relationship with a narcissist is a profoundly confusing and very emotional process because we thought we knew better intellectually.
Our ego is destroyed.
We have allowed this person to gain the upper hand, and now we can’t even look in the mirror.
The trust we had in him is broken, and, by extension, we can no longer trust anyone.
What could be worse than letting go of someone we thought was sincere, to feel like he was literally our whole universe?
It’s hard to accept that you’ve been duped, especially after receiving so many promises and creating so many memories.
So when the breakup takes place, we feel like an empty shell. Nothing matters anymore.
This feeling of shame sticks to our skin.
To make matters worse, the narcissist will show no signs of remorse.
He has no real awareness of the injury he caused.
We will therefore assume that it was all our fault.
We were told not to ignore the warning signs that we can see at the beginning.
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Yes but… This is not possible during an encounter with a narcissist! He’s too good for that.
He is often attracted by our beauty, kindness, and confidence because it will fill his void.
Thus, he will be attentive, generous, and honest at first. Almost as if he were trying to “sell himself.”
He will then promise us mountains and wonders and make us enchanting promises that will make us feel alive and invincible.
Until he shows himself in his true light, and there, the opposite happens.
We now feel unimportant, humiliated.
This man who made us feel special now calls us “boring,” “sticky,” and so on.
As if the whole relationship had been a mirage.
This person, who was so eager to know everything about us, who had encouraged us to share our hassles of life, has now become a stranger who insults and discourages our whole being.
And because we were devoted body and soul to making this person happy, until exhaustion, we feel like we have lost everything: him and ourselves when he leaves.
Oh yes, it’s all our fault.
No, we don’t believe that it’s our fault.
It is not our fault that he began to mistreat us, ignore us and lie to us; simply ignoring us as human beings.
It’s expected to be “obsessed” with the urge to fix what’s broken to feel better. And the more in vain our efforts are, the more we will insist.
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We will wonder who this person is pursuing and even start thinking that we are “foolish” because nothing changes.
We now feel like an object because the manipulator no longer has any use to have us with him.
For him, love is only a way to fill his emotional gaps; love is a tool.
It will never open emotionally, no matter how hard we try.
Our efforts are aimed at a lost battle. This person we thought we knew has completed the narcissistic cycle of abuse and needs to draw the energy and innocence of a new victim.
We can come out stronger.
This experience doesn’t have to be just a ball of pain that throws us all over the body.
This end is also a gift.
The healing period will strengthen our personal and emotional strength, and it can provide us with infinite wisdom.
Our bodies, minds, and souls will heal if we focus on the relief of no longer having to fight for a love that didn’t even exist.
A more robust “me” will allow us to feel more attentive to ourselves, more insightful, and emotionally intelligent for the next man who will cross our path.
We deserve a love similar to the one we offer.
Let’s take the time to define what is important to us and leave no one to doubt our beliefs and needs.
Let us keep our hearts open and full of courage and find our way to the fulfillment we all deserve.
Take care and be happy!